Spin off this.

I need either a) a printer, or
b) a more reliable brain, or, ideally,
c) an artificially intelligent compact gutenberg press.

The reason for this is I seem to consistently get a little bit lost when I go for auditions. This one for Casualty spin-off Holby City spin-off Holby Blue. It's a bit like a Babushka Doll crossed with The Bill. Anyway, it was at the London Welsh Centre, of all places, on Grey's Inn Road. Easy, I thought; a short walk through Russell Square from RADA, where I'd spent the previous eternity sticking address labels on envelopes as if it was somehow important.

Now, I'd looked it up on multimap, and it was really easy. Turn left, it's a little way up on the left. Or so my brain remembered. I walked along until I started thinking 'Crikey, it didn't look this far on the map. Probably just a bit further.' At this point I should have turned around but the part of my brain that thinks I'm clever refused to in a bout of pride. It's the same part of the human brain that, say, presses the big red button despite being told not to, or tries to annexe Poland and exterminate the jews despite having given a man called Neville a piece of paper.

Because London Welsh Centre was not on the left. Oh no. It is decidedly on the right. La droite. Das recht. The not left. I hurry back some five minutes later to see that in my diligence to find it on the wrong side of the road, I have walked within inches of a Large building painted bright red and white, flying a large flag with a dragon on it. And that thing I tripped over earlier was the message "IT'S HERE, YOU TWAT" written in leeks on the pavement.

Anyway, London Welsh Centre is a very lovely place, and I would recommend it to anyone who wants to read notices about male voice choirs, or, somewhat more inexplicably, rehearse for the West End musical, RENT. Sara Bird who was casting made a crack about not losing another auditionee to RENT as she took me through. "Don't worry," I said cheerily, "I fucking hate queers!" but either she pretended not to hear, or I didn't really say it. It's probably not best to take a chance on a casting director's sense of humour so early into an audition, anyway.

So yeah, I read for the part of a law student dressed as a pirate and left.